are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
