Pappa wants mamma naked
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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