why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
