Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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