Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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