is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
