We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
