In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
