dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
