she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize