You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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