I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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