i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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