hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
