she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
