Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I party with great urgency now.
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