that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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