It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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