new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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