So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
