i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
