you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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