the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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