She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
