i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
