Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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