i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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