I'd wear matching sweaters with you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
