Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
