I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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