i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ladies don't puke and tell
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
