i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
