At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
