My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
