i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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