That's when you crack a 10am beer
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
