Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
