sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
