For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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