bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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