If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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