If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
