Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize