I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
God, I missed his penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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