a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need to sanitize my soul.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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