So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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