there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
