Girls should come with a carfax report
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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