We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
