somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
