My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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