He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
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While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
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Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize