i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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