I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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