bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
