i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
