I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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