What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
