You really coming over, don't trick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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