sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
