shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
