he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
