I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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