found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
