Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
