He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
