I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize