Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
