you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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