So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
