If i come over, it means nothing
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
