I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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