i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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