sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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