A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
