i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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