we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this just has baby written all over it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
