I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
