Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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