She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
