if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
