so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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