fuck your aforementioned shoe
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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