just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
