I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
