I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
