Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
