I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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