Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
