my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
