I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
